NADA IGNJATOVIC SAVIC, 2006 E-MAIL: ICKE@EUNET.RS

POINTS TO REMEMBER

IF YOU WANT TO CONTRIBUTE TO PEACE

  1. CHECK YOUR INTENTION TO SEE IF YOU ARE AS INTERESTED IN OTHERS GETTING THEIR NEEDS MET AS YOUR OWN.
  2. CHECK IF YOU TRUST THAT THE OTHER CARE ABOUT YOUR NEEDS BEING MET AS WELL AS HIS/HER OWN.
  3. WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO DO SOMETHING ,CHECK FIRST TO SEE IF YOU ARE MAKING REQUEST (BEING OPEN TO RECEIVE BOTH YES AND NO) OR DEMAND I HAVING FIXED IDEA THAT HE/SHE MUST DO IT).
  4. WHEN SOMEONE IS ASKING YOU TO DO SOMETHING CHECK FIRST IF YOU ARE RECEIVING IT AS A REQUEST OR A DEMAND. IF NOT, AND ESPECIALLY IF YOU FEEL HATRED AND WISH TO REVENGE. FIND SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO YOU WITH EMPATHY SO YOU CAN HEAL AND RECONNECT WITH YOUR HUMAN CORE.
  5. BEFORE REACTING TO ANY ONE'S OPINION, TRY TO CONNECT EMPATHICALLY WITH WHAT YOU AND THAT PERSON ARE FEELING AND NEEDING IN THAT MOMENT.
  6. INSTEAD OF SAYING WHAT YOU DO NOT WANT SOMEONE TO DO, SAY WHAT YOU DO WANT THE PERSON TO DO TO MEET YOUR NEEDS.
  7. INSTEAD OF SAYING WHAT YOU WANT SOMEONE TO BE, SAY WHAT ACTION YOU WOULD LIKE THE PERSON TO TAKE AND WHAT NEED OF YOURS WILL BE MET BY THAT.
  8. INSTEAD OF SAYING NO, SAY WHAT NEED OF YOURS IS PREVENTING YOU TO SAY YES.
  9. INSTEAD OF RECEIVING NO AS A REJECTION TRY TO TUNE IN TO WHAT OTHER IS NEEDING IN THAT MOMENT THAT IS PREVENTING HIM/HER TO SAY YES TO YOU.
  10. IF YOU ARE FEELING DISSATISFIED, FOCUS ON WHAT NEED OF YOURS IS NOT BEING MET, AND WHAT YOU COULD DO TO MEET IT, INSTEAD OF THINKING ABOUT WHAT IS WRONG WITH OTHERS OR YOURSELF; DIFFERENTIATE YOUR YOUR JUDGMENTS FROM THE FACTS - WHAT THE PERSON ACTUALLY DID OR SAID, TRANSLATE YOUR JUDGMENTS, INTERPRETATION, PRECONCEIVED IDEAS INTO YOUR NEEDS AND CLEAR, DOABLE REQUESTS.
  11. WHEN IN CONFLICT REMEMBER:
    1. TO LISTEN TO YOUR OWN NEEDS AND FEELINGS SILENTLY AS LONG AS IT TAKES TO COME IN TOUCH WITH YOUR NEED TO LISTEN TO THE OTHER WITH EMPATHY
    2. LISTEN TO THE OTHER WITH EMPATHY I.E. OPEN HEARTEDLY UNTIL YOU AND HIM/HER ARE FULLY CONNECTED TO HIS/HER NEEDS; SIGN OF RELIEF IN HIM/HER AND YOU WILL MARK IT.
    3. EXPRESS WHAT YOU ARE FEELING AND NEEDING, WHAT IS ALIVE IN YOU IN THAT MOMENT, AFTER LISTENING
    4. CHECK HOW IT IS RECEIVED - IF YOU GET BACK SIGN OF DISCONNECTION GO BACK TO STEP A AND ON. IF YOU ARE CONNECTED GO TO STEP E.
    5. EXPLORE OR CO-CREATE TOGETHER STRATEGY MEETING BOTH YOURS AND HIS/HERS NEEDS. CELEBRATE YOUR CREATIVITY AND CONNECTION.
  12. STEP INTO CONFLICT HONESTLY, COMPASSIONATELY AND COURAGEOUSLY TRUSTING THAT IT WILL HELP YOU TO MOVE FURTHER IN YOUR OWN DEVELOPMENT AND INTIMACY WITH OTHERS, AND ALSO TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE NEW STEPS IN HEALING OF HUMANKIND.

REMEMBER THAT IF WE ARE TRYING TO AVOID CONFLICTS, WE ARE DISCONNECTED FROM LIFE IN OURSELVES AND OTHERS, WE STAGNATE. WE NEED TO LEARN TO TRUST IN ABUNDANCE, ALSO THAT EVERY HUMAN BEING HAS THE SAME NEEDS FOR AUTONOMY AND INTERDEPENDENCE, SELF CARE AND CARE ABOUT THE OTHERS SO WE CAN SAIL JOYFULLY THROUGH OUR DIFFERENCES, SEEING THEM AS INVITATION TO DANCE AND GROW TOGETHER.